PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
