sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
