Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
