It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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