Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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