shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
