need another drink. this is the easiest way
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
