All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
