i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
