we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
