he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I deserve this hangover.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
