you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
organizing the empties. That sober.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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