dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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