can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
