You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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