..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
