he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
