It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
