wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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