Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
