Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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