I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
