I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
