It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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