I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
