thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
