You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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