dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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