Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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