what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
