is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
