How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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