so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize