You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
