im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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