Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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