if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
