Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize