Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(830): View more from Texas

I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.

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(646): View more from New York

Please don't use social media to get back at me.

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(323): View more from California

I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

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(631): View more from New York

stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.

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(561): View more from Florida

if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat

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(718): View more from New York

all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over

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(425): View more from Washington

It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it

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(269): View more from Michigan

What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too

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