Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
