My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
