just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
