She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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