Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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