Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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