I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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