Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
