I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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