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I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
