That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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