last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
