im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
