12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
