Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
