party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
