What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
