I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
