If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
