Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
