glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
