Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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