well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
