Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
