Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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