I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
