How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
