dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
