someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
