Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
