Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
