FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
