I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
