I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
