can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
