He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
