So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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