a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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