Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
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I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
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Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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