she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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