I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
