I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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