I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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