I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
