Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
40s are totally the cure
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
