so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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